just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
