1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So apparently I’m into choking now
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
