I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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