I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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