just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
