I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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