the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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