Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
