please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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