I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
