Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
