You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
