I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
