Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
