dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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