I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
