ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
