$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.