Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.

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(124): View more from

Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(704): View more from North Carolina

She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock

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(815): View more from Illinois

Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone

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(256): View more from Alabama

We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.

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(209): View more from California

My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?

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