Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.