my mouth tastes like poor choices
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am one with the molecules
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20