Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
