Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
