How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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