He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There r osticjed everywhere
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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