Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize