hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
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Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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