omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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