giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she pinky promised me she was 18
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
