plz talk dirty to me
I puked a lego.
Your dad touched me again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
