oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
