under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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