addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
