Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You can't special order awesome
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
