My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
