You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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