Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I faked an abortion last night.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
