Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just had sex bonerless
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
