Screwed.edu
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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