just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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