If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was like eating out sand paper
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
