I just made out with a guy for $7.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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