Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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