There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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