Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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