Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
