Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
