the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
