Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
