Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
