would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
