I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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