no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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