the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just googled if crying burns calories
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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