Who wears a wallet chain?!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
