At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
