Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
