My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We are two peas in an std pod
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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