We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
