best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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