Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
