There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
