i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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