do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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