Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
