My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
