She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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