i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
nutella sex= disaster
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
