listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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