I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
