just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
