Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
