I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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