After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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