i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
