Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
